Feelings of Doubt, Frustration, & Guilt!

Ok, so it seems as though every time I make a goal to lose weight and be healthy I start to crave unhealthy things and I start to really give into those temptations. I start asking myself is this really worth it, and it seems as though life really gets in the way of exercise. How is it that when I don't seem to have a goal I can manage to find the time to exercise, and I can seem to eat pretty decent, but when I have an honest goal nothing goes as planned? I have had feelings of self doubt, I look in the mirror and I tell myself why are you trying what is it worth. You are going no where with this. You can't accomplish this so why try. Then I feel frustrated not only by my lack of results, but by my lack of a good attitude. I'm angry with myself for allowing those self doubts to constantly creep into my thoughts. Then I have guilt feelings because I cheat on my healthy eating, and not only do I cheat just a little here and there, I cheat all day long and for what? It has got to stop!

I have been reading a book called Losing It! By Melanie Douglass, R.D. and have found somethings that I think are going to help me out a lot and I wanted to share those things with you in hopes that maybe you might benefit from these thoughts as well. In her book she quotes a woman by the name of Mary Pickford and she says "You may have a fresh start at any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down." Can you say genius? Hello, how many times do we fail and say well that is it, I'm done? I don't know about you, but I do that all the time, and then it takes me months to pick myself up and start over. I can start again fresh every day, even every hour. Why have I not seen this before. Maybe I am a little slow on this and the rest of you have had this figured out for a while, but this just made my day today.

The next thing from the book that really hit home this morning was this, "Commitment to your personal health is crucial. And I am not talking about adding another project to your to-do list and becoming an all-star multitasker. Just going through the motions, without really committing yourself, is a waste of time. We often give our best effort to keep our word when dealing with others-so why not for ourselves? Be true to yourself and keep your word to yourself. Always think about your real purpose in life and why you want to become a healthier person. Into your hands will be placed the exact results of your own thoughts." Wow! It's like I was hit with a ton of bricks this morning. I am not sure what my true goals were for getting healthy and losing weight. I don't know if it was because it's socially acceptable, or if it's because I want to be able to be skinny again. I don't think I have been listening to myself, I think I have been listening to the voices all around me saying lose weight it's what you need to do, you will feel better, you will look better, etc. I haven't been listening to what I really want, and I don't think I have ever really made what I want an honest goal.

So, here it goes. I am trying to get healthy and hopefully lose a few pounds along the way. My reasons for doing so and my goals are not because everyone else thinks it would be good for me or because I want to be the perfect model type person. Although that would be a nice perk! I want to be healthier for me! I want to be healthier for my family! I don't want my daughter to grow up struggling to be healthy and struggling with her weight. I want her to learn healthy habits now and grow up loving those healthy habits. I want to be able to run and play with Leah and Jesse with out getting worn out well before they are. I want to love life and enjoy life the way it's supposed to be with out feeling like I am less than. I want to have more children with my husband. If I don't get healthy soon, this goal and dream will fade away and my chances of that will be lost forever. I am ready to change me! I realize that if I fall off the wagon a time or two it's ok. I realize that not everything is going to be easy and that I can take it one small step at a time and change one thing at time. I don't have to go cold turkey and take every last bit of sugar and unhealthy thing out of my cupboards today. I realize that if I don't get my 30-60 min. of exercise in each day that it's not the end of the world, I can pick up where I left off the next day and continue on. I want to make these changes and I want to do it for me! I can do this, and I know that anyone else out there can do it as well. I have come to realize the reasons I became unhealthy in the first place, and I am changing those reasons and have found reasons now why I want to become healthy. Every time that I reach for the candy bar or bag of chips, every time that I think to myself that I am to tired or don't have the time to exercise, I am going to picture in my mind myself feeling happy and healthy because I decided not to eat that candy bar or bag of chips. I am going to picture my daughter and my husband playing and the joy that I get to have of being able to play with them, and I am going to imagine and dream of that sweet little baby that some day soon I hope to be holding in my arms again. I can't let my own lack of self control get in the way of my eternal family, and I know that there are little babies waiting to come to me and hoping that I can get my act together long enough to accept them into my home. That is what I will think of every time I think that I can't or I lose the desire to exercise.

I think it's important for each of us to take a look in the mirror and find out the reasons why we became unhealthy and maybe overweight in the first place. Then find out the reasons why we want to become healthy now and write those things down. It's time to put the past behind us and look toward the future. Realize that in so doing doesn't mean you will always see results in a week or two. This is a lifestyle change, not a quick fix to looking better. This is the rest of our lives we are talking about. It takes time to change, and for some we may see immediate results, and for others it may take 3, 6, 9, 12 months or longer, but the changes will come if we are patient and allow them to do so, and if every time we feel like quiting we run back to those goals that are written down and remind ourselves why.

If any of you would like to share your thoughts or reasons for wanting to get healthy or anything, please email me. I would not only love to hear your story, but I would love to post it so that we can all help each other. tiffanystringham@yahoo.com